Light Me Up
by Ginger Anastase
Summary: Even lovers have the time for card games but they don't always know who's winning between the kissing and cigarettes. Valduggery Oneshot.


**Right, so I was sitting here watching The Pink Panther and I realise that I am a huge Valduggery shipper but I haven't written a Valduggery story yet. So here, I made you a flirty oneshot. Rated T for sex references and mild language. Enjoy!**

Light Me Up

"Snap!"

Skulduggery frowned at her, his face set in temporary contemp.

"Valkyrie?" he began.

She looked up through her dark hair, her eyes still bright with her recent win. "Yep?"

"We were playing poker. Snap is not a common term in gambling."

She threw her cards on the table and sat back in her chair. "Dammit."

"Quite."

Skulduggery put his cards down too and clasped his hands.

"You know, I thought that gambling would be your forte, Valkyrie, since you major in most things unhealthy for you," he teased as she took a drag on her cigarette.

She pouted. "You got me into smoking. It's all your fault."

Skulduggery leaned forwards in his chair. "I like to think I have influence on you."

Her eyebrow raised and she blew a cloud of smoke into his face which he inhaled greedily. His eyes closed in contentment.

"You aren't helping me quit," he murmured.

Valkyrie turned the cigarette in her hands so the burning end was facing her. She edged around the table and straddled his lap, touching the cigarette to his parted lips.

"Take a drag," she purred.

He sucked in the smoke and smiled, breathing out slowly and tilting his head back.

"I needed that," he whispered.

"I know," she replied, returning the cigarette to her own mouth.

After a few moments she put it out in the ashtray behind her.

"How is it that you know how to play poker?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He thought for a moment. "I learnt when I was a teenager. Dexter taught me, like he did most things, including how to kiss but I won't go into that."

"I'm going to ask him about that," she warned.

He narrowed his eyes. "You wouldn't dare. Anyway, he made me play strip poker with his lady friends, which was most enjoyable, but I struggled through it, not knowing how to play it at the time so he taught me afterwards. Not strip poker, mind you," he added, tapping her nose.

Valkyrie chuckled lowly, retrieving another cigarette from her pocket.

"Light me up," she ordered.

Skulduggery clicked his fingers, careful not to burn her, and held the flame out for her to light it. Once satisfied, he clicked again and the flame disappeared.

"Who needs a lighter?" she muttered.

He smiled and pinched the cigarette's light out with his fingers.

"What did you do that for?" she grumbled.

"You need to quit."

She dumped the fag into the ashtray and crossed her arms, sulking. "Then why did you light it?"

Skulduggery grinned smugly. "Tanith told me you think it's sexy."

She hit her face with her hand and muttered into it. "I am going to kill her."

"I wouldn't. That would mean Ghastly would kill you, then several other people will kill Ghastly and a war will start. I will sit back and watch, having quit smoking because I haven't got you to tempt me."

She leaned forwards and returned her arms to around his neck.

"Tempting, am I?"

"Yes, very. Obviously, for nothing other than cigarettes because I am not vulnerable to seduction."

She scoffed. "I find that hard to believe."

"Might I remind you that I played strip poker as a hormonal teenaged boy with a variety of beautiful semi-clothed women and didn't sleep with a single one of them," he said.

"How proud of yourself you must be," she laughed, "Yet, you often call me beautiful but you don't sleep with me all day."

"All day, no," he accepted, "Your nights though are quite the different story."

She flicked his forehead. "That was flirting, Mr Pleasant, shame on you," Valkyrie scolded playfully.

"Don't pretend you don't enjoy it."

She shrugged. "I do enjoy it."

"Well then."

They were silent for a minute as Valkyrie played with some of his hair.

"Do you enjoy being human again?" she asked randomly.

"I'm not human, Valkyrie, remember this is still just a façade," he told her.

She surrendered. "I know, I know. But you never take it off. I wouldn't be surprised if it had moulded to your skeleton now."

"Why would I take it off?" he questioned. "I get hands." He placed them on her hips. "I get lips." He kissed her nose lightly. "I get to feel normal. Would you give that up?"

"Nope," she agreed, "But you were a skeleton for, like, 400 years, so don't you feel all…I don't know, podgy having flesh?"

He snorted. "Podgy?"

She hit his arm. "You know what I mean."

Skulduggery shrugged. "I don't know, I suppose it was an adjustment but I've been human-like for two years now, one and a half of which you have been with me, why are you asking now?"

"It just came to me," she said.

"Fair enough."

She smiled.

"I can't believe you called me podgy."

Valkyrie thwacked his forehead. Still, she undid the bottom button of his shirt and let her cold hands travel up his stomach.

"You're not podgy."

He swallowed. "No, I didn't think I was," he mumbled.

She grinned at how flustered he could get so quickly. Sometimes, she would be cruel and get him as riled up as possible before leaving him without going any further. He was fun to tease.

"Do you still know how to play strip poker?" she whispered in his ear.

"Unfortunately not," he said, "And that was flirting, Miss Cain, shame on you."

She sighed and proceeded in kissing around his jaw towards his lips. His arms tightened around her waist as she reached the corner of his mouth. He smiled against her mouth and began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

He shook his head. "I'll tell you in a minute. Carry on."

She continued to kiss him but muttered, "Presumptuous bastard."

Valkyrie bit down on his lower lip, eliciting a moan that made her ego considerably bigger.

After a while, Skulduggery began to push her back against the table so it was only him holding her up. She played with his belt buckle, suitably aroused by the situation.

"Are you going to tell me what was so funny?" she purred.

He chuckled and leaned to kiss her throat.

"We _were_ playing snap," he laughed.

Valkyrie snapped out of her dreamy reverie.

"What?" she barked.

He held back another bubble of laughter by pressing his lips against her jawbone.

"Just now, we weren't playing poker, we were playing snap."

Valkyrie scowled and pushed him off her and back into the chair.

"You lied to me?" she questioned, "I was right to say snap and you told me we were playing poker to make me feel like an idiot?"

"Yes," he replied grinning, surprised that his trick had worked at all, "I can't believe you couldn't tell between snap and poker."

She glowered and kicked his shin. "And I got all turned on by a conversation that was based on a lie?"

"Apparently."

She smiled a small smile. "And you told me that you were not vulnerable to seduction before I seduced you into making out with me against our living room table?"

"Yes – Hey!" he shouted, "That's not fair!"

"Child," she scoffed.

He narrowed his eyes. "Slut."

"Liar."

"Bitch."

"Douchebag."

"Moron."

"Nasty."

"Temptress."

"Tempting."

"Uh…smoky."

"You too."

"Sexy."

"Kissable."

"Hot."

"Upstairs."

"Upstairs?"

"Now."

"Now?"

She grabbed his hand and pulled him up. "Now."

Skulduggery chuckled. "You're very desperate, aren't you?"

"Do you want sex or not?" she grumbled.

He shrugged, pretending to be indifferent. "Sure. Why not?"

"I'm going to kill you one day," Valkyrie muttered.

"I'll kill you first."

He tilted his head and stole a kiss. She tasted like smoke and coffee.

She pushed him away in mock-frustration but soon grabbed his hand and interlocked their fingers.

"I hate you, you know," she whispered with a smile.

"I hate you too, dear."

**N'aaaaaw.**

**I hope you liked it. Review? **


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